The Story of My Father(34) 我的父親（34）
As for myself, I published the quit CCP declaration below on Dec. 15, 2004, about one month after the publication of “Nine Commentaries on the Chinese Communist Party.”
Quit the CCP and Become a Clear-Minded Chinese
When the CCP started the crackdown on Falun Gong, it announced that “no Communist Party members are allowed to practice Falun Dafa.” At that stage I chose to continue to practice Falun Gong without any hesitation. As a result, I was illegally imprisoned for more than one year. I had thought that as I had not paid any party dues and had not involved myself in any party activities for such a long time, I should have been considered as having automatically withdrawn from the party according to the CCP’s regulations. Therefore, I had always thought that I already had nothing to do with the CCP whatsoever.
However, after reading the “Nine Commentaries on Chinese Communist Party” recently, I was struck by so many new realizations that I felt I needed to ponder how I was “trapped” into the CCP in order to really clear away the poisonous damage it left on me. At the historical moment of “disintegrating the CCP with universal laws,” I needed to make a clear stance.
The earliest thing I remember in my life was when I was four years old. At that time, I had started trying to imitate the dancers after watching the revolutionary ballet “White-haired Girl,” one of the eight “model revolutionary ballets” during the Great Cultural Revolution, and my mother was very proud of my dancing talents.
Not until more than 30 years later, after I had arrived overseas, did I learn that the story portrayed in the “White-haired Girl”, a story about how the CCP saved this white-haired girl from the “old evil society,” was a complete lie. Not only was it a lie, but it was also related to the so-called “Land Reform” campaign, in which more than 100,000 landlords were killed, with their lands taken away by the CCP. In order to glorify this “Crashing the Landlords and Sharing their Land” campaign, the CCP fabricated that story to make it look great.
I was very much astonished when I learned the truth: to realize that the first memory in my life was actually related to the huge lie and ruthless campaign that had killed more than 100,000 people.
I don’t remember exactly when I joined the Young Pioneers of China (once also called the “Little Red Guards”). According to my mother, it was when I was in the first grade of elementary school. As I did very well with my studies and was very obedient, I was among the first group who joined the “Little Red Guards.” For many years, I had been very proud of this, as I thought it meant that I was doing very well in school, and it should be regarded as an honor.
I only felt alarmed after reading the “Nine Commentaries on the Chinese Communist Party.” As a six-year-old child, who wasn’t even able to remember everything, I was already dragged into the evil CCP’s system, as the “Little Red Guards” was officially entitled the “reserve team” of the CCP. I didn’t know how many times I had sung the Little Red Guards theme song “We are the Shining Future of Communism.” The Communist Party has established communism as its state religion, and everybody was forced into it ever since he or she was born.
The “Great Cultural Revolution” began in the year I was born, and lasted for 10 years. Therefore, throughout my childhood, what I was exposed to were all the CCP’s propaganda about how “Chairman Mao” was the great savior of Chinese people, and how “great, glorious and correct” the CCP was. Literature works, music, dance, fine arts (if those “revolutionary propaganda pictures” could be called “fine arts”), films, and so on, were all tools to propagandize that “The Great Cultural Revolution is absolutely great!”
Dragged inside the Party’s cultural surroundings, I unknowingly received many things that the Party wanted to instill in me, though I was a kind-hearted and simple person by nature.
I joined the Youth League in middle school. On the surface, it seemed that this time I joined it with full awareness. However, when the entire society was tightly controlled by the CCP, when every student was made to believe that joining the Youth League was a glorious thing, and it indicated you were doing very well, could one make any better judgment?
I was admitted to Peking University in 1984, and experienced a rare and relatively open and relaxed period when different kinds of theories and philosophies were allowed to spread. Many people did manage to rethink and reflect on the “Great Cultural Revolution.” However, under the Party’s persuasion, like many other Chinese people, I also believed that since the Party had “corrected” its own mistakes, everything would be brought back on to the right track, and tragedies like the Great Cultural Revolution would never happen again.
I became the first CCP member in my junior year in the university. I think the following two reasons played an important role in this: 1. I was somehow convinced by the theory that the Party could be changed for better if more good people joined it; 2. My father was finally admitted into the Party the year before after his constant efforts for more than 20 years of trying to be accepted.
When I learned he joined the Party, I was greatly shocked. I thought, as someone who had experienced so much, including political discrimination and persecution, he still didn’t give up his efforts. He must have had a very good reason for doing so. Therefore, I should follow suit.
Now when I look back, I suddenly realized how unfounded this reason was. How could I be convinced by such a reason back then? I actually knew very little about father’s experiences, except the fact that he was labeled as the “black pawn of reactionary capitalist-roaders,” relocated to a remote small town, and re-educated there for many years.
My sister was born when I was four years old. As my mother, who was not allowed to live together with my father, couldn’t look after two children at the same time as she still needed to work to make a living, I was sent to live together with my father.
However, until I left my hometown for university, in more than one decade’s time of living together with my father, I never heard him talk about any of his experiences during the Cultural Revolution, nor did he ever make any comments about any state affairs, despite the fact that he graduated from the department of politics of Southwest Politics and Law University.
The first political comment I ever heard him make was this, “No matter who is the chairman of the country, 1+1 will forever equal 2.” On the other hand, liberal arts are too easily affected by politics. Therefore, although many people said that girls should study liberal arts, I still chose science because of my father’s insistence.
I learned a little of my father’s misfortune during the Cultural Revolution only recently through my mother. In 1967, he was hospitalized after developing acute hepatitis, but was still dragged out to be publicly denounced. His hands were painted with black ink to indicate his identity as the “black pawn of reactionary capitalist-roaders.” Large amounts of his hair were pulled out. As a result, he became bald-headed as early as in his thirties.
Meanwhile, my mother had to look after my father, who was nearly tortured to death, while I was only one-year-old. She also had to put up my father’s written “self-criticism” everywhere according to the requirement of the “rebels,” with no single spot to be ignored, or any copy being put in the wrong place.
I couldn’t imagine my father’s feelings after suffering all of this. In my memory, my father seldom talked. However, when he wrote to me to tell me the news about having joined the Party, for the first time ever, I sensed his excitement. And this in turn influenced me deeply.
As my father’s family background category was “small land lessor,” he fell into the politically wrong class ever since he was born. Because of his “wrong” family class, no matter how hard working and how talented he was, he had always been struggling at the bottom of society. Perhaps being admitted into the Party could help rid himself of this inferiority complex of being politically wrong? Or did it have other meanings for him? Maybe he would never discuss this with me, as talking about politics was not safe in China, even within one’s family.
Many people don’t realize that the fear and loathing they have toward politics are in fact the terror and hatred they have toward the CCP’s history of killing. Part 3 of the “Nine Commentaries on the Chinese Communist Party,” “On the Tyranny of the Chinese Communist Party,” enables one to see more clearly and comprehensively that the CCP’s politics has been about how to kill and crackdown on people.
In democratic countries, voting is a citizen’s obligation; and that is also “getting involved in politics”. What is there to fear or loathe? It is the CCP that has imposed a connotation of suppression and killing on the term “politics,” and that is why so many Chinese people hate the mere mention of “politics.”
One year after I became a formal Party member, the Tiananmen Square massacre happened. I was extremely shocked. As many students from Peking University were very active in the movement, it was said that the Peking University would be stray bullets, and so on. The authorities of the university strongly suggested that we don’t stay on campus. a main target for further crackdowns. Many different and horrible rumors were passed around, such as the army would occupy the campus, and no student should sleep on the upper level of a bunk bed to avoid being hit by
I was very much terrified, as I couldn’t find a place to stay. In the end, I ended up sleeping on a very hard desk in the office of a friend. During the night, I opened the office door to find my way to the restroom. Suddenly I thought I heard terribly loud bursts of machine-gun shots, and was nearly frightened to death.
However, when I tried to find out where those gunshots came from, I realized that it was just the croaking of many frogs, as my friend’s office was located in the suburbs, and very close to a pond.
It took me several days and a lot of effort to be able to buy a train ticket so that I could escape Beijing-the city of the massacre, which was already under martial law. When arriving at the Beijing train station with three friends, I found it was as chaotic as if it were the end of the world. Many trains were canceled or delayed. Dark smoke was still rising from the burnt tanks and military trucks.
We sat underneath a bridge near the train station; anxiously waiting for information regarding the departure of our train. As we had nothing better to do, we drew a portrait of Li Peng, whom we believed had ordered the army to kill the students, and then threw small pieces of stone at the portrait to see who could hit it with more precision.
After all the “noise” was suppressed, all the student party members were required to write up “thought reports” at great length with all the details about ones’ thoughts and deeds during the student movements. When trying very hard to keep myself out of trouble, I never seriously reflected on what kind of role the CCP had played in this tragedy. As a female science student, I was never very much into politics. Like many other people, I “forgot” this massacre soon enough: when all is said and done, nobody in my family was killed anyway.
Many people had tried to change the Party through joining it. However, a ruthless reality smashed all their dreams. Disappointed by the failure, many people had long since given up this kind of thought and effort. Almost everyone agrees that the CCP isn’t good, but people usually feel helpless as it still seems so “strong.”
Only after I finished reading the “Nine Commentaries on the Chinese Communist Party” did I understand the reasons: As stated in the “Nine Commentaries,” the CCP is a somewhat “abstract,” independent, foreign, and evil specter that attaches itself to people, who could only be controlled and manipulated by it. How could one change it by joining the party?
That also explains the reason why after ten general secretaries of the CCP were all “knocked down” by the Party, the Party itself still “thrives in prosperity.”
That is also the reason why within the CCP’s doctrine, the Party’s interest is always above everything. Any human being, including all the party members, can only be its tools, without being able to change any part of it. Any attempts to change it, or illusions that it can be changed, will surely be proved to be a failure, and what accompany all the illusions will surely be tragedies for the Chinese people, and even the world.
I am very grateful for the Epoch Times’s “Nine Commentaries on the Chinese Communist Party.” It enabled me to reflect on my initial motivation to join the CCP, helped me see through the Party for what it is, and therefore to clear away more thoroughly its poisonous elements within me.
The best way to rid oneself of a foreign evil specter is to firmly deny its existence, and to proactively break away from its control and influence in mind as well as in its organizational forms.
The Chinese nation has been occupied and possessed by the CCP evil specter for too long and is therefore critically “ill.” For an ill person, or for somebody who is controlled by a foreign specter, nobody would ask, “What will this person do without his illness or specter?”
Therefore, it is completely unnecessary to worry about who can lead China without the CCP. A China without the CCP will surely regain its vitality, just like a sick person who was suddenly cured.
Hence, I hereby solemnly declare my withdrawals from the CCP, the Youth League y withdrawing from the CCP can I become a really clear-minded Chinese citizen.and the Young Pioneers, and that my applications to join the CCP, the Youth League and the Young Pioneers, all the thought reports I wrote after joining the CCP, as well as all the written materials in my profile held by the CCP, are null and void. Only b
Jennifer Zeng is the author of “Witnessing History: One Chinese Woman’s Fight for Freedom and Falun Gong.” Before she was persecuted in China for her faith, she was a researcher and consultant in the Development Research Center of the State Council, the State Cabinet. Her story is featured in the award-winning documentary “Free China; the Courage to Believe,” co-produced by New Tang Dynasty Television and World2Be Productions. Zeng has a blog and posts to Facebook.
Originally published at : https://www.theepochtimes.com/the-story-of-my-father_2258978.html