Tiananmen of That Year 那一年的天安門

By Ariel Tian Translated into English by Jennifer Zeng | 文：田甜 英文翻譯：曾錚

That summer, I came home from school and saw a lot of people on TV, tied up in white or red headscarves, saying they were on a hunger strike to protest.

那一年的夏天，我放学回家，在电视上看到很多人，綁著白色或者紅色的頭巾，說是在絕食抗議。

I asked Dad what these people were doing, and Dad said it was the students in Beijing who were against corruption. I didn't understand, why were they protesting? Why do you have to go on a hunger strike? Don't we have a good life?

我問爸爸這些人在幹什麼，爸爸說是北京的學生們反對腐敗。我不懂，他們為什麼要抗議？為什麼非要絕食？我們的生活不是很好嗎？

Then later, it was heard that these students started attacking the government, attacking the army, and killing the PLA who came to maintain order. I asked Dad again, why did these students kill? Dad said that maybe they were trying to do what was best for the country, but were being used by people with ulterior motives.

再後來，聽說這些學生開始攻擊政府，攻擊軍隊，還殺死了來維護秩序的解放軍。我又問爸爸，這些學生為什麼會殺人？爸爸說，可能他們也是為了國家好，但是被別有用心的人利用了。

I thought it was horrible that these “people with ulterior motives" could take advantage of so many students who were fighting for the good of the country, and turn them into bad people. I told myself that when I grew up, I must not be taken advantage of by these “people with ulterior motives".

我想，這些“別有用心”的人真可怕，居然能把那麼多為了國家好的學生，都利用了，還把他們變成壞人。我跟自己說，我長大了一定不能被這些“別有用心”的人利用。

But who are those people who have ulterior motives?

可是，那些“別有用心”的人到底是誰呢？

That year was 1989, and I was 9 years old.

那一年，是1989年，我9岁。

After that, I gradually forgot about those students. Then someday, I don't remember when, I was listening to some uncles, and they told me that university students in Beijing, especially students of Tsinghua University and Peking University, who graduated in 1989, were given very bad jobs that year. They also reminded me that I should never get involved in politics in the future, or it would be useless to go to Tsinghua or Peking University. I nodded and said I remembered.

之後，我就漸漸忘記了這群學生。不記得是什麼時候，偶爾聽一些叔叔伯伯談話的時候提起，89那一屆的北京高校，尤其是清華北大的學生，那一年的工作分配都非常糟糕。他們還提醒我說，以後千萬不要參與政治，不然就是上了清華北大也沒用。我點點頭，說我記住了。

At that time, I was practicing Falun Gong, which teaches truthfulness, compassion, and tolerance, and I thought that it is absolutely impossible for someone with such a good heart to be used by someone with "ulterior motives”.

那時候我正在煉法輪功，法輪功講真善忍，我想，內心這麼美好的人，是絕對不可能被“別有用心”的人利用的。

Later, another summer, I was at home waiting for my high school exam results when suddenly all the TV was cut off and all the channels began to carry important announcements: the Falun Gong organization was banned and the founder of Falun Gong was wanted.

後來，又是一年夏天，我在家裡等高考成績，突然所有的電視都被掐斷，所有的頻道開始轉播重要通知：法輪功組織被取締，法輪功創始人被通緝。

At that time, I had been practicing Falun Gong for three years, only from the time I was preparing for the college entrance exam, I had stopped practicing it full-heartedly. The teacher took all the students who had once practiced Falun Gong in the school to talk to them, saying that the organization was being used by “people with ulterior motives" and that it was "besieging" Zhongnanhai.

那個時候，我已經煉了法輪功3年，只是從準備高考開始，就帶煉不煉的。老師把學校裡所有煉過法輪功的同學都找去談話，說法輪功組織被“別有用心”的人利用了，還“圍攻”了中南海。

I felt that the world has been turned upside down because even Falun Gong has been used by “people with ulterior motives". I was afraid of “people with ulterior motives", even though I had never met them and didn't know who they were or where they were.

我感覺這個世界顛倒了，因為連法輪功居然都被“別有用心”的人利用了。我害怕那些“別有用心”的人，雖然我從來沒有見過他們，也不知道他們是誰，在什麼地方。

How could those “people with ulterior motives" be so powerful?

那些“別有用心”的人，怎麼就能這麼厲害呢？

With little inner struggle, I surrendered. I told the teacher, I would not practice Falun Gong anymore, we would all not practice anymore, will it not affect our college entrance exams?

我幾乎沒有什麼內心掙扎，就投降了。我跟老師說，我不煉了，我們都不煉了，我們考大學不會受影響吧？

My college entrance exams were not affected. I made the top ten of my grade of a few hundred students. I went to Xi'an, the capital city of the Tang Dynasty, and studied a major that I didn't like, but my parents said was hot and would do well for my future hunting: communications engineering.

我考大學沒有受影響。我在那一屆幾百個學生中，考了年級前十名。我去了西安，唐朝的都城，讀了一個我並不喜歡的，但是父母說是很熱門的，將來分配工作會很好的專業：通信工程。

The year was 1999, and I was 18 years old.

那一年，是1999年，我18歲。

Then later, I worked. The company was hosting a big client, so I and another girl from the company hosted that client for a trip to Beijing.

再後來，我工作了。公司要接待一個大客戶，讓我和公司另外一個女生接待那位客戶去北京遊玩。

I went to Beijing when I was 3-4 years old, and my dad bought me a toy phoenix crown at the Forbidden City, which I wore on my head and ran around happily when I suddenly bumped into a blonde aunt. I couldn't understand what she was saying, but I knew she liked me. That's when I fell in love with Beijing.

我3-4歲的時候去過北京，爸爸還在故宮幫我買了一個玩具的鳳冠，我戴在頭上高興的到處亂跑，突然撞到了一個金髮碧眼的阿姨。她說的话我聽不懂，但我知道她喜歡我。於是我那時，就喜歡上了北京。

Now I was visiting Beijing again, the capital city of the Qing Dynasty. I had a feeling of coming home, this place was so intimate and familiar.

又一次來到北京，清朝的都城。我有種回家的感覺，這裡是如此親切而熟悉。

But one member of our troupe asked me a question that surprised me: what do you think of the Tiananmen incident? I asked, what Tiananmen incident? He said it was the Tiananmen incident in '89 when the PLA killed many students.

可是有一位隨行人員，卻問了我一個讓我意外的問題：你對天安門事件怎麼看？我問，什麼天安門事件？他說，就是89年，解放軍殺了很多學生的天安門事件。

My brain started to short circuit a bit, what was he talking about? It was the students who killed the PLA, how could the PLA kill the students...

我的腦袋開始有點短路，他在说什么？明明是學生殺了解放軍，怎麼會是解放軍殺了學生呢...

This must be the work of "people with ulterior motives" again, compelling the uninformed masses abroad... “People with ulterior motives" were so abominable ...

這一定又是“別有用心”的人幹的，蠱惑了國外不明真相的群眾... “別有用心”的人真可恶 ...

So, I came up with a "very clever" answer: "It's like parents and children, no matter how much parents hit their children, it's for the good of the children. Whatever the government does, it must be for the good of the Chinese people ..."

於是，我靈機一動，想出了一個“無比聰明”的回答：“這就像是父母和孩子，無論父母怎麼打孩子，都是為了孩子好。無論政府做了什麼，一定都是為了中國人民好 ...”

He glanced at me and said nothing more, and our conversation ended there. I was smug in my heart: it must be because I answered well that he didn't pursue the question again.

他看了我一眼，没再说什么，我們的交談到此為止。我心裡很得意：一定是因為我回答的好，所以他沒有再追問。

It just so happened recently that Liu Xin, host of CCTV International, and Trish Regan, hostess of Fox, were engaged in a debate over the topic of the US-China trade war. In the video circulated on the Internet, Liu Xin "won" the debate, returned home with a "proud" smile, saying: the American people have many misunderstandings about the Chinese people, I just want to express my thoughts. Liu Xin in the video always reminds me of the smug, complacent me.

最近剛好央視國際的主持人劉欣和福克斯的女主持里根，因為中美貿易戰的話題約辯。網絡流傳的視頻中，劉欣“勝利”的完成了辯論，帶著“自豪而驕傲”的笑容回國，說：美國人民對中國人民有很多誤解，我只是想把我的想法表達出來。視頻中的劉欣，總讓我想起當年那沾沾自喜，自鳴得意的我。

That year was 2003, and I was 23.

那一年，是2003年，我23歲。

Then later, I got into the Guanghua School of Management at Peking University and came to New York University as an exchange student. Before returning to China, out of curiosity, I checked all the sensitive words: Taiwan independence, Tibet independence, June 4, 1989, Tiananmen, Falun Gong...

再後來，我考上了北大光華管理學院，交換到紐約大學。在回國前，我出於好奇，把所有的敏感詞都查了一邊：台獨，藏獨，8964天安門，法輪功...

And thus, the naked truths of all those years and all those things were exposed to me. I finally found out who those "people with ulterior motives" were, and what they had done over the years.

於是，那些年，那些事，就这么赤裸裸的將它們的真實面貌，展现在我的面前。於是，我终于知道了，那些“别有用心”的人，他們到底是谁，他們這麼多年來做了些什麼。

These "people with ulterior motives" labeled Falun Gong practitioners who diligently practice Buddhist qigong as “evil cult organization” members. Those who will not abandon their faith were thrown into labor camps and prisons, and subjected to brutal mental and physical persecution. Those who refused to reveal their identities as they didn't want to affect their families were blood tested and given a number, thus becoming a supplier for the living organ bank. A huge number of "political enemies" were thus turned into huge "national profits". They have portrayed believers who resist persecution and expose these crimes against humanity at home and abroad and those who do not want to have their conscience die, as "anti-Chinese forces". This is the truth of "Falun Gong".

這些“别有用心”的人，將潛心修煉佛家氣功的法輪功民眾，打成邪教組織，將不願放棄信仰的信眾，在勞教所和監獄中施以精神和肉體的殘酷迫害。他們將不願連累親友而拒報身分的信眾驗血編號，作為活體器官庫的供體，將數量龐大的“政治敵人”有效的轉化為巨大的“國家利潤”；他們將海內外反抗迫害與揭露這些反人類罪行的信眾，和不願泯滅良知的人們，描繪為“反華勢力”。這就是“法輪功”的真相。

That year was 2010, and I was 30 years old. 那一年，是2010年，我30歲。

It took me 30 years of "smart" ignorance to see the world as it really is. Miss World Canada Anastasia Lin said something that struck a chord with me: it's a profound shame to be lied to for so long.

我為自己的“聰明”的無知，花了30年的代價，才看到這個世界真實的樣貌。加拿大世界小姐林耶凡說過一句讓我感同身受的話：被騙那麼久，是一種深刻的恥辱。

I hope my children, our future generations, don't have to take so long and pay so much to live in a free and true world.

我希望我的兒女，我們的子孫後代，不用再花那麼久，付出那麼大的代價，才能活在一個自由而真實的世界裡。

I hope Tiananmen in that year will be remembered forever by history, and by those who seek the truth.

那一年的天安門，希望能永遠被歷史，和追尋真相的人銘記。

6/3/2020